What Should We Make of All This?

I am not sure if I am now a character from "Our Town," looking down from heaven at my beloved dear ones. If I am, then heaven is no different than real life! If I am still actually alive, then the glimpse I had of heaven was not conclusive: It consisted primarily of Elysian fields of (perhaps mind-altering) flowers, jolly pigs and happy little boys begging their daddies to read "Charlotte's Web" to them just one more time.

It turns out that my mother was right: The things you worry about do not happen; the things that never ever occur to you are the ones that will get you. My stroke was not even caused by stress or hypertension! It was allegedly caused by cells from a renal cancer that broke away (nobody yet is bold enough to use the word "metastasized") from the kidney and made it to the brain, where blood clotted around the cells (in an attempt to prevent implantation?). It is this clot that bled four weeks ago and burst through an artery.

So the game is not over. Tomorrow I see an oncologist: If I continue to be lucky, only one kidney will be declared cancerous, and it will be removed. Then my job will be to change my entire negative world view ("weldshmetz") and personality and become a positive thinker!! If both kidneys have already gone awry, then I continue with my old negative self and go quietly into that good night.

This initial blog post is really a (not very) veiled invitation for members of the American Death Industry (see Evelyn Waugh, "The Loved One") to contact me re: their services. Mausoleums are inherently very selfish, and my love of the good earth and gardening probably makes me a good candidate for burial in Israel, where no coffin is used. Lots to think about!!! It's not over til it's over!!!!!

Let me hear from you - whomever you may be. You will make an old lady happy, or at least as happy as I am capable of being.