Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Pre-Test: New Problems

Remember when a pre-test used to mean some vaguely scary activity on Monday morning that forced you to think about some silly spelling words that you would homework the hell out of in the coming week and then know backwards and forwards (literally, as a result of Wednesday's homework) on Friday??

No more!

Pre-tests (now defined as the times before medical procedures) have assumed much greater proportions:
1.Will my insurance company actually approve the test?
2. How will I get to the imaging place?
3,Will the titanium mesh holding my brain together be compatible with the newest test?
4.Will there be some preparation so awful that they are afraid to inform me about it until I walk through the door?
5.Will the degree of angst on the technician's face be a clue as to the seriousness of my condition or to the amount of marital problems he/she is having today?
6.Who will break first - me, or the poor person who must sit in the waiting room wondering what is going on inside?
7.Will I keep still enough, or will images have to be retaken? My stillness, interestingly enough, seems to depend lately on trying not to laugh, of all things!!! How ridiculous this all is!
8.Good research questions always arise: Are the makers of these imaging devices hopeless sadists or invaluable humanitarians? What colleges did all these sadistic/smart people attend? Did Jeff know any of them at Columbia? Did I?
9.What should I be hoping that these tests will show?
10.Will I have the privilege of returning next year for an annual check-up?

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