Friday, January 1, 2010

Funny Little Jokes from 2009, in No Particular Order Except, Perhaps, Degree of Hilarity

1.My sister tells me how lucky I am that I can still get around easily. A couple of nights later I break my femur bone and need not only patch-up surgery but also a new hip bone ("prosthetic") as well. (HA)

2.I wake up at 11 PM and attempt to go to the bathroom. On the way I slip on the glossy cover of a seed and bulb catalogue and end up in big trouble (see above.) (HAHA)

3.Back in May I have a relatively small confrontation, all things considered, with Greg and never see him again.(HAHAHA)

4.All of his worldly belongings are in my apartment.(HAHAHEE)

5.My post-cancer hair grows in straight as sticks, and I grow breasts. The latter and the former I fervently wished for some 50 years ago. Just a little late.... (HEEHEE)

6.I seek out a therapist to complain about all the horn dogs a single woman encounters, and he turns out to be the biggest horn dog of all (with the exception MAYBE of Tiger Woods.) HEEHEEHEE

7.I end up in a nursing/rehab facility where the toilet continually overflows. The attendants keep telling us not to worry because urine is sterile. (However, it can be SLIPPERY: not the best environment in which to heal a broken leg and hip.) HOHO

8.The doctors think I have an extremely rare heart condition that is causing me to lose potassium. Consequently I have to wait for three days in the emergency room until my K levels go up, and hip surgery can be performed. Turns out the problem was the wrong blood pressure medicine, but I have to say the EKG's, the Haltar Monitor and the echogram were all extremely interesting and great fun. In addition I am told that my lifelong fear of mitral valve prolapse was unfounded, but I immediately discover something else to obsess over: viz. an adrenal adenoma.

9.Fred turns out to be my best and most loyal friend. (YAY!)

10.I learn from Marlene, Karen, Belle and other people from the past such as Lilly Rudolph to eat, eat, eat, smile, smile smile and laugh, laugh laugh at all the silly little jokes life throws (with a terrible vengeance) in our way. HRUMPH

11.It now turns out that CAT scans cause new cancers!!!!!! (I've only had a couple dozen or so.)

2009: Those were the days my friends..... (Hardyhardyheeheehohohaha)